Snake Spirit Boy: Please Be My Friend!

Not just because you're rich and surrounded by hot women with pointy chins who look like you. It is not my dream to wake up next to a woman who looks like an insectoid anime doll, but if that girl behind you is single...Anyway, if you will be my internet friend I will teach you the English so you can both look cool and BE cool.

Sincerely,
Jeffrey Jon Jones, Founder and CEO of
Sometimes Maybe Only Never

PS: I still haven't figured out why they call you Snake Spirit Boy, is it because you take your pleasure from the Snake, or because your real name (刘梓晨) is hard to pronounce?

China Telescope to Displace 9,000 Villagers in Hunt for Extraterrestrials

FEB. 17, 2016, Edward Wong

BEIJING — More than 9,000 Chinese villagers are leaving their homes to make way for aliens.

It is not a colonization plan from outer space. The Chinese government is relocating thousands of villagers to complete construction by September of the world’s biggest radio telescope, whose intended purpose is to detect signs of extraterrestrial life.

The telescope would be 500 meters, or 1,640 feet, in diameter, by far the largest of its kind in the world. It is called FAST, for Five-hundred-meter Aperture Spherical Telescope, and costs an estimated 1.2 billion renminbi, or $184 million.

The mass relocation was announced on Tuesday in a report by Xinhua, the state news agency. The report said officials were relocating 2,029 families, a total of 9,110 people, living within a three-mile radius of the telescope in the area of Pingtang and Luodian Counties in the southwestern province of Guizhou.

China Deployed Missiles on Disputed Island, U.S. Says

FEB. 16, 2016

HONG KONG — The Pentagon has evidence that the Chinese military has deployed surface-to-air missiles on a disputed island in the South China Sea, a United States official has said.

The deployment escalates regional tensions that have been inflamed by China’s extensive effort to build artificial islands in the South China Sea, bolstering its claim to sovereignty over an area about the size of Argentina, where the Philippines, Vietnam and other nations also claim territory. The United States does not recognize China’s claims, and in recent months, it has sailed warships and flown military aircraft near the Chinese outposts to assert its right to freedom of navigation.

The United States official said the Chinese appeared to have deployed HQ-9 missile batteries on Woody Island in the Paracel chain. China has long had military and civilian infrastructure on the island, which is also claimed by Vietnam and Taiwan. Taiwan’s Defense Ministry, in a statement, confirmed on Wednesday that China had placed antiaircraft missiles on the island.